dear asshole,
you stole my trombone and i want it back. it was a bach 42bo, standard yellow brass with a rotor valve. put it back where you found it and never step foot into the music building again.
if you choose not to put it back, you will be sorry. maybe not now, but later, you will be sorry. the money you make from pawning it will not cover the hospital bill. it may cover the ambulance ride, depending on how far you will be from the hospital when you are beat down, but it probably won't cover the rest. i'm not a violent person. never thrown a punch in my life, actually. but, i've never had to either.
i will be looking in pawn shops, classified ads, music stores, grocery stores, treetops, mountain tops, underneath large rocks, and any place else you can possibly imagine. i'll be on ebay, and will be sending e-mails to every trombone player in the country. i have no job, and i'm not currently in school. so i have a lot of time on my hands. probably more than you.
trombone players don't steal trombones. you don't play trombone, but i suggest you start, because if you try to sell it, you will be found. you don't want to be caught holding an angry trombone player's horn. so start taking lessons, and enjoy my trombone. you will be caught.
sincerely,
james yardley
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4 comments:
James, I'm sorry and I hope you find it. I love you and will kick the theif in the balls since I'm a weak little girl and that's about all the hurt I can cause.
Love,
Claire
Rage.
I echo exactly what Claire said. Esp. the part about being a weak little girl. But I would spell "thief" correctly.
I have an oyfonium you can use instead. HAHAHA, that's probably the funniest thing you've ever heard.
I'm sorry ... :-|
James,
Holy shit, dude, that's not cool. If I had a bass trombone I'd let you use it...Hell, if you want to borrow my tenor, just let me know. I'll drive it out to you.
-Pat
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